Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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