i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
