I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
She needs sedatives and a leash
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
