Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
