actually, I'm a sock model
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
