The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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