His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
