Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I just googled if crying burns calories
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
