Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Randomize
