I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
