just come out here and I will go home with you...
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
