just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
