my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Randomize
