I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
