I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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