he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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