Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
