The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
