I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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