pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
