May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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