I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
high people should be assigned attendants
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
