he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
