my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
