Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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