i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
