5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
