This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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