So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
