I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
