ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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