like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
