Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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