I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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