The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
