There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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