I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
