I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
