she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
