You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
