it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
