You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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