Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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