why didn't you poke me back
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
