Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
