Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
