he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
