We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
