Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
