Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
