Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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