I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
