and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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