well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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