If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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