Pants 0. Shit 1.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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