What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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