he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
