Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
