Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
