I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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