Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
My balls are so social today.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
